gender

Is Your Babies Gender Really That Important?

Just over a year ago we found out that Baby #2 was a second little girl. It’s funny because I always had this vision that I would have two girls, followed by a boy, yet I was convinced that this baby was in fact a boy. Having never found out the gender of our first baby I wasn’t sure how I should be feeling.

But hearing the sonographer say “I can’t see anything so it’s probably a girl” left this pit in my stomach. I was sure she had got it wrong. We were having a boy!

You hear about it all the time don’t you? Couples finding out the gender only to have the opposite. I was sure this was going to be us. So we booked a private scan for that weekend. By this point I was feeling pretty disappointed that we’d found out.

How ruddy awful does that sound? Lord I hate myself for writing this. It’s not that I didn’t want another girl but it’s like when you think your getting something but get given something different. I just had to be 100% sure.

So yeah back to our private scan. So so magical I would highly recommend one even if you don’t want to find out the gender! It was confirmed that our 20 week scan was correct.

gender

In that moment seeing our little girl in such detail washed away all those feelings. I was destined to be a girl Mum just like my Mum! And I was excited to get prepared for ‘Baby Sister’.

Now that I have my two girls I could not imagine my life any other way. If we were to go on to have a third baby I would definitely not find out the gender. I much prefer the surprise and when that baby is placed in your arms can you really feel anything other than that overpowering feeling of love?

I wanted to find out other parent’s thoughts on finding out the gender and feelings surrounding the result so I took to Facebook.

“We found out both times – the first time was just so I could get organised and think of a name etc. The second time we already had a boy and I really wanted a girl. Finding out at 20 weeks we were having another boy gave me time to adjust and get over the disappointment. I’m glad we found out because I would have hated to feel that disappointment at the birth.” I’m so glad I’m not alone with the feeling of disappointment as Sarah also felt the same!

Hayley from Devon Mama has the right idea if you ask me. “We were team yellow. I know people have their reasons for finding out but we had none, it would have purely been for our nosiness! I liked the fact that I didn’t know until the birth, it added a little bit more magic to it for us. Plus it was wonderful being able to tell all our friends and family. I’d do the same again, I have no preference over gender at all or no need to find out so I’ll be keeping it a surprise next time as well!”

“I was upset when I found out I was having a third boy. I cried. Not because I was sad to be having a boy but because I was saying goodbye to the daughter I had always imagined I would have.” I think I would be exactly the same (hence the reason I will not be finding out IF we have a third) as Emma.

Lucy found out the gender of her second for the same reasons as me. “I blogged about why we chose to find out the gender of our second (and not our first). For me it was about helping my first born adjust to becoming a big sister and helping us prepare. We kept all Erin’s clothes so being another girl was very handy in terms of saving money!”

“I found out with my first but not with my second. My partner was told and pretty much everyone in the family knew apart from me! I wanted the surprise of looking down after giving birth & finding out whether it was Tristan or Emily. I bought a few neutral pieces but the family had been squirrelling away lots of dresses for her once she arrived.” Wow how Emma had the self control to not pester all her family to find out!

gender

I would love to know, in the comments below, your thoughts on finding out the gender and whether you did or would..

17 Comments

  • Al

    April 26, 2017 at 8:49 am

    We found out with Teddy and I’m glad we did. If we were ever fortunate enough to have another then I’d definitely Find out the gender again too.

    Reply
  • Alyssa Stokes

    April 26, 2017 at 11:37 am

    Didn’t matter either way for us. We didn’t find out the first time but I wanted to the second time. Mainly so I could sort through the baby stuff we already had and then find bargains for the second if it was a girl. She was a girl so we managed to get loads of clothes second hand that I wouldn’t have had the time to do with a newborn and a 3yr old.

    It’s funny because I could totally see myself as a mum of boys and I still get slightly sad when I realise I’m not. I always wanted a girl un till I had a boy. It shows how impartial I am to gender now.

    Reply
  • Abbie

    April 26, 2017 at 12:03 pm

    Such an interesting post. I have a boy and a girl so have experienced raising each gender but I do think if i’d had 2 girls or vice versa there probably would be a part of me that would morn for the son/daughter I never had, even if briefly. It doesn’t make you a bad mother at all, its just natural feelings xx
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  • Jasmin N

    April 26, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    This was an interesting read! I wanted a boy for my first, I don’t know why though. Well, I had a boy and I was so relieved when we found out that he was going to be a boy 😀
    Maybe it’s just that I’ve got no clue what to do with girls, I might be a bit weird. Although, I’d love the fact that our second will be a girl, if there ever is a second baby haha.

    Reply
  • Jaime Oliver

    April 26, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    I found out with all 3 of mine, however the 2nd I found out as my 10 year old had trouble getting her head round a sibling at 10 so we thought she may bond better with the idea if we could give him a name – it worked … so when pregnant with number 3 we found out again and from 16 weeks he was always Jacob so its like its always been for Joshua

    Reply
  • Devon Mama

    April 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    Ahh thanks for having me lovely!! A second 20 week scan sounds lovely, I really wanted a private scan that wasn’t all about the medical bits but we were worried we’d inadvertently see the gender, so there are downsides to the surprise too!! I can’t believe Emma’s family knew and she didn’t! I could NOT cope with that, it drove us mad that the sonographer knew!!
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  • mandy

    April 26, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    Those cute little hands…I think I may feel the same with my girl being the first and finding out I am having another girl but hey you get to save loads on hand me downs! Your girls are beautiful.

    Reply
  • Lisa (mummascribbles)

    April 29, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    We found out both times with ours. I admit that with the second, hearing it’s a boy wasn’t quite as exciting as it would have been hearing it’s a girl. But that’s simply because I’ve kinda heard it before and know what having a boy is like. I kinda knew deep down I was having another boy anyway and like you are a girl mum, i feel I was destined to have boys!

    Reply
  • Jules Pondering Parenthood

    April 30, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    We found out the gender when I was pregnant with Little M. Like you, we were expecting the sonographer to say ‘boy’, so were very surprised when she told us that we were expecting a girl. I would even admit to being a little disappointed. Like you, we thought the scan would be proven wrong, as actually Little M was breech the whole time so they couldn’t get a good view of the business end and refused to say ‘girl’ with any real certainty. By the time she was born, though, I think I’d have been gutted if she’d turned out to be a boy!
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  • Hannah Budding Smiles

    April 30, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    I always saw myself as the mum of boys and we didn’t find out with Toby because I knew he was a boy. I didn’t have that gut feeling with Martha, and knew I’d find it a big change to have a girl, so we found out. I’m so glad we did, I think I’d have panicked at giving birth and having a girl I’d not been expecting!xx

    Reply
  • Lucy Melissa Smith

    April 30, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    I found out Lily’s gender at 16 weeks and it was confirmed again at 21 weeks. I was convinced she was a boy but I was so pleased that she was a girl. I wouldn’t of minded either way but now that she’s here I’m so pleased as with my Mum too we’re like the three musketeers and with my Grandma we’re 4 generations of women which is really lovely and empowering.
    I think I’d find out again next time just because I like to know everything and it would help us to plan etc.
    xx
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  • Mrs H

    May 3, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Great post lovely. We found out the gender with both of ours. Mainly because we are not big on surprises and we are very practical people. I was convinced that Little Miss H was a boy and that Little Mister H was a girl. Wrong! I have to admit that we were disappointed to find out we were having a boy. We had always imagined two girls. We even thought that all the miscarriages were because I couldn’t carry boys. But we couldn’t be happier with our little family and I LOVE having a Mummy’s boy. Hugs Lucy xxxx
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