relationships after children

I Miss When It Was Just Us | Relationships After Children

Let’s be honest here, relationships after children will never be quite the same, will they? This has most definitely been the case for James and I. We have been through all the emotions since becoming parents over 3 years ago! Gosh at one point I didn’t think we’d make it here, to tell another story!

Sometimes I struggle to be completely open on this little blog of mine. Not because I don’t want to be, but for fear of being judged! This blog was created when I was feeling my most alone, after being just a reader for so long. But I wanted to be that person behind the blog that helped even one person feel like they were not alone in their feelings! So I’m going to be straight with you.

As much as I love the girls and absolutely know just how fortunate we are to have been blessed with two healthy, happy girls! I do miss the relationship James and I had before the girls.

You know the spontaneous kind. When you could just decide on a whim to go away for the weekend! Or you’d stay up late talking about the most random of rubbish and try your damned hardest to put the world to rights? Or you could have little arguments, pretend its over and then everything was fine again the next day!

relationships after children

Becoming parents pushed us to our limits. We had been together 6 years before Little S came along yet even that wasn’t long enough to prepare us for the pressures that came with parenting!

I’d resent him for leading a pretty normal life (going to work, football on a Tuesday) whilst I was at home feeling like my life was pretty much dirty nappies, two hourly feeds and no time to even take a poo! Yet he was at work resenting me for being at home and taking on all the pressures of bills and Statutory Maternity Pay.

We lost a part of us. That spark that made us ‘us’! We struggled to adapt to our new lives and pined for our old ones. Communication was lost so neither of us knew how the other was feeling until something would come to a head!

I would take on the weight of the world because I was stubborn and didn’t feel like I should ask for help. And James would struggle to feel involved which resulted in him not trying!

relationships after children

But the truth is if you want something enough you will make it work. And thats exactly what we did. Ok so it had to get pretty bad for it to get good again but this is us now! The four of us, happy together.

And although I do miss the us before children, relationships after children aren’t all bad. You just have to learn to share yourself and your heart!

6 Comments

  • Caitylis

    November 3, 2017 at 4:02 pm

    This is one thing I worry about when our baby is born in December. I love my Fiancé Bradley so much, I just can’t imagine loving someone else as much or more than I do him. I worry what it will do to our love and our relationship, but it will just have to be something we’ll have to work on together to help pull each other through becoming parents for the first time!
    Much love, Caitylis x x

    Reply
  • Nina

    November 7, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    4 boys later over here *waves* I understand completely. I think the things you go through as a parent can really “make or break you”, & the only way for it to “make you” is to go through the fire together & keep fighting for each other, your relationship, your time together, making time for each other, remembering why you fell in love in the first place. We’re having a rough time of it at the moment with our youngest not sleeping & various viruses passing back & forth between the boys, but we rely on & take care of eachother (though he’s better at it than me, haha) xx

    Reply
  • Jeannette @autismmumma

    November 8, 2017 at 11:46 am

    Absolutely agree, well done for writing this. Relationships do change after children and despite the fact my children are 13 and 15, their autism means that we get very little “us” time. We’ve learnt from it and our brief moments are welcome, sometimes it’s just a coffee shop trip if my husband has a day off and it’s a school day x

    Reply
  • EssexKate

    November 8, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Having a child puts so much pressure on a relationship, I’m sure it’s something like 1 in 5 people separate in the first year. There are lots of things I miss about my life pre baby, but then again there are bits of all parts of my life that were great and at some point in the future I will look at this current stage of my life with rose tinted glasses and miss it.

    Reply
  • Abbie - Lilypad & Bow

    November 8, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    I think it’s totally normal to feel nostalgic for your pre-kids relationship. I’ve been with my partner 9 years and I fell pregnant at 21. I wish I hadn’t taken our relationship for granted so much at the time and that we’d gone out and done more things together and just generally been young together whilst we could! But at the same time our relationship means that much more to me now because of the family we’ve created together. Xx

    Reply
  • Tanita

    November 13, 2017 at 9:12 am

    It’s definitely an adjustment becoming new parents and making sure you have time for the two of you. My husband and I often have date nights when the children are asleep and that is always lovely xx

    Reply

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