The 12 Week Rule

I came across a Daily Mail article on my personal facebook yesterday. A friend had shared it with the caption, ‘This article just popped up on my newsfeed. A thought provoking read which I can relate to as well as lots of other women (& their partners).’

I don’t normally read links on Facebook because usually they prove to be a waste of my time. But for some reason I clicked on it and what I was reading was 100% true! It really made me think.

You can read the article here.

Everything this lady said was 100% true but yet it’s something I had never thought about. I guess because I was lucky enough to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. But why do we keep it to ourselves for 12 weeks? Because ‘you are out of the woods’ after 12 weeks. Even then no pregnancy is guaranteed. Because it saves you having to explain about a miscarriage should it sadly happen! What if someone wants to talk about their miscarriage? Why does it all have to be kept to secret! These things need to be spoken about.

To be honest I was one of those people who didn’t really know a lot about miscarriage. Obviously I knew what it meant but I didn’t know everything surrounding it. Until one of my close friends suffered a miscarriage.

She has bravely answered a few questions for me and we also got her partners view on it because often the partners are forgotten about.

When did you tell people of your pregnancy?
4 weeks.
Who were the first people you told?
We told immediate family the day after we found out but told some people at work few days after.
Why did you chose to tell those people when you did?
I had to tell work because of doctors appointments and incase anything happened… I also told family because I was over the moon and wanted the people I love to be on the journey with me.
If you hadn’t of told people about your pregnancy, do you think you would have coped better with your miscarriage?
B: No I had the people I needed around me and they were a massive support group which was exactly what I needed to be honest.
A: I’m glad my family knew because they were there to help me get through it but I wish that some people I didn’t tell because they didn’t really bother.
Did talking about it make it easier to deal with?
B: It did and it didn’t because some people wanted to talk about it too much and sometimes I just wanted to get on with my routine and then it helped when I needed to talk.
A: The same as B.
Thank you B and A for agreeing to feature on this blog post.
My partner was very much wait until 12 weeks because that is what is expected. We told close family and friends just before our 12 week scan mainly because I hated lying to them and it was only a matter of time before one of us slipped up! I feel like this made it harder to tell people because they were so shocked when we told them we were nearly 12 weeks. If anything would have happened (touch wood it luckily didn’t) I could have kept it too myself and let it eat away at me or I would have had to explain that yes I was pregnant but I no longer am.
I do understand the reasoning but it is most definitely a personal choice and different things work for different people.
Did you wait until 12 weeks? And how did you announce your pregnancy?

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4 Comments

  1. I read that article too and it really does make sense. For my first pregnancy we told close friends and family immediately and then 'announced' it at 12 weeks. My second pregnancy we did exactly the same, excitedly told close friends and family immediately. Soon after I suffered a miscarriage. I was so glad I could tell people what had happened rather than sweep it away. I needed to talk about it. For my third pregnancy we told close friends and family immediately again but weirdly never 'announced' it publicly. Nothing went on facebook. I figured those who really care about us will see us or hear through the grapevine. It was interesting to see who was shocked when she was born! Made me see who 'really' knows me. x

  2. This is exactly why I decided to announce early this time and last. My partner is a little superstitious and wanted to wait until 12 weeks but then he has no family so doesn't have the feeling of lying to anybody.
    I knew that if anything happened I would find it too hard to have to explain to people that I was pregnant and now wasn't…..but I would need their support. Therefore I thought it was much better if they knew from the beginning!
    We went through a stage in this pregnancy of being told it was ectopic, and I'm glad that my family already knew about the pregnancy. xx

  3. Oh I'm sorry to hear that 🙁 I never really thought of it like that until reading this article but I think definitely I'll announce early next time because miscarriage is not discussed enough xx

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