I have a little treat for you today. Being back at work is actually harder than I thought! Well not harder but ruddy draining. By the time I get home I’m ready for my bed. But my blog is not something I’m willing to let slip! So the lovely Georgina has allowed me to share this very personal and raw post that I know others will resonate with..
Today is the 21st September 2017. This is a post that I imagine will be published in the future but the date is important as it’s the day that two old college friends welcomed their baby girl into the world. What a baby girl she is… Iyla is perfect in every way!
As I write this post, I can feel tears stinging my eyes. It’s definitely worth mentioning that today is a hormonal one, but I don’t think that subtracts away from my feelings. Last night I saw people sending my friend positive birth stories in an attempt to calm her nerves as her as throughout her pregnancy, labour has been in the forefront of her fears. I even chimed in myself “I didn’t have a great experience but…”
Tonight I learnt that when those stories were being sent she was already in labour which resulted in an emergency cesarian this morning. From what I can tell our stories sounds incredibly similar and instantly my heart went out to her.
It hurt my heart so much that I went downstairs to tell Rich and show a picture of her looking very poorly during her operation. He told me that I had looked the same and it sounds really stupid but I just wanted to hug her, hug me, hug everyone that experienced similar!
Even as I write this post, I feel silly. Dramatic even! To be really clear, I can roll with the best of them. I am a pretty tough cookie but the turn of events that surrounded giving birth to Rory will stay with me forever.
Time has been a huge healer and I have even gone on to say that I am over it. I am definitely in a much healthier place but there will be days. Days where I hear of people having traumatic labours and dealing with everything associated with that and days where it will spark my own heartache over labour.
I KNOW I should just feel grateful that my gorgeous little boy was delivered into the world safe and sound. And I know how lucky I am to have him with me now. But sometimes I can’t quite forgive the fact that labour made me poorly, put me in a terrifying position and ruined our ‘first skin to skin’ contact that I had spent months dreaming of. As well as being pumped with so many drugs that I could barely stay conscious for him being welcomed into the world and I will never forget those first few weeks of pain. The pain that left me in tears because I couldn’t look after my own baby. That broke my heart!
I am guilty of saying “you delivered them safely and thats all that matters” when it clearly runs a lot deeper than that.
If you can relate or just enjoy honest parenting then you should definitely check Georgina out, where you can of course read her labour story too!