Surely I am not the only person who has two bodies, am I? I have that one that I think could be workable if I dressed to suit my body shape and then I have that one that feels and looks gross! No I don’t have body dysmorphia I just have this thing where I struggle to see how far I have come. This is why mission finding myself is ONNNN..
My body has been through a lot for such a young age. I am only 26, yet it has been so skinny that I looked unwell. It has been what I thought was “fat”. Then it housed and birthed my first baby, was used and abused whilst I used pregnancy as an excuse to eat unhealthily. It was then classed as overweight. I then started treating it better and lost some weight before falling pregnant again. Again I started off treating it nicely but as always I would feel like I was missing out and fall back to old habits. But now I am at that point where I want to be and feel healthy. I also want to love the skin I am in. I want to find myself again and get back to having just that one body! I want my body and my mind to be on the same page.
So this is how I plan on finding myself again. To be Amy and not just a Mum..
The “me time” schedule
This is phase one of finding myself again. It is all about spending “me time” away from being Mum. I have my eyebrows done once a month and I want this to continue. Sometimes I get my nails done but I haven’t been able to keep up with it yet. This starts now! I am going to pre-book all nail appointments in advance so that I don’t decide on the day only for them to have no appointments available.
Discover my style
I’m still dressing like my 18 year old self. But at other times I feel I dress to old for my age (see what I mean about two bodies?). I want to find my style and dress because I like it not because everyone else is. Does that even make sense?
Dress for my body shape
As I mentioned above I am still dressing my 18 year old body which could not be more different to the body I have now. I would like to learn how I can emphasise certain features and not draw attention to the parts I don’t like! I don’t want to keep putting off shopping because it makes me feel bad about my body. I want to go shopping and enjoy finding my new style!
No pressure to lose weight
I don’t want to be on some restrictive diet because otherwise I just end up feeling hard dumb by! Its about time I learnt about the foods that are best for my body and want to reach for them because I like the way they make me feel inside. For example I know fatty foods make me feel disgusting inside which heightens my anxiety. I want to get to that point where I chose the foods that are good for me.